Heroine Of Steamy Romance Novel Inspired By … Michele Bachmann (VIDEO)

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What do you get when you combine Michele Bachmann with 50 Shades of Gray?

When Alicia Menendez asked that question last week on Huffpost Live, I shuddered in horror and whimpered, “Something I NEVER want to find out EVER.” But of course Menendez — like all pundits — wouldn’t stop there, so I braced myself as she continued:

The E-book, ‘Fires of Siberia‘ by Tr?y Sager might be the answer.

Apparently Michele Bachmann is the inspiration for a steamy new romance novel, in which a “fiery presidential candidate” travels to Russia so she can … “bone up on” … um … beef up … er, um … solidify her “foreign policy credentials.” But the plane crashes in the wilds of Siberia and she’s left alone, in the cold, to survive with nothing but a hot, steamy hunk (with a vaguely menacing look about him) to keep her warm.

According to the publisher’s website:

Inspired by the life of Tea Party leader and Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Fires of Siberia?is an old-fashioned bodice ripper romance that brings the heat for the 2013 summer beach reading season. Presidential candidate Danielle Powers, full of firebrand pluck and red state sex appeal, has the country in a tizzy. But on an international tour to beef up her foreign policy experience, disaster ensues?her plane explodes over Siberia. Miraculously, Danielle survives, along with one other passenger?a mysterious stranger named Steadman Bass. Trapped in a wilderness of snow and ice, the two begin a journey that pushes Danielle to the brink.

Before I’d even had enough time to search the site, discover it’s an e-book, and decide whether “Fires of Siberia” is worth downloading onto my iPad, Menendez introduced the author, and barely gave him a chance to attempt a mischievous, dimpled grin at the camera before she zeroed in:

You said you looked at Michele Bachmann, and there was something missing from her life. What was that thing?

I knew the answer! I jumped up, frantically waved my hands in the air, and screeched, “A BRAIN! She’s missing a BRAIN!” But no, I was so-o-o-o-o wrong. Sager chuckled:

A romance novel. I mean, Michele Bachmann was obviously a very polarizing figure. People feel very strongly about her one way or another. She inspires a lot of allegiance, and a lot of enmity.

Yes, just like … what’s her name … the one who can see Russia and its nefarious activities from her house in Alaska? Um, yeah, her. The former golden girl who’s now, um, palin’ from the intensity of Bachmann’s glow. Anyway, Sager explains that — since Bachmann has such “publicly-acknowledged sex appeal” and is such an “enigmatic figure” — what better place to “explore the intense feelings that the culture has about her” than through what Sager’s fellow writer, Lynne Tillman described as “a?flaming ode to erotic lyricism.”

Ew. When the word “eroticism” appears just a paragraph away from the name “Michele Bachmann” it makes me want to curl up like all the fetuses whose lives she tries to save, and never, ever have sex again. But Tillman has an interesting perspective:

Protagonist Danielle Powers, a sexy sociopath and politician on the make, wants to be made and made again. She’s Sarah Palin, Machiavelli, and a philosopher no one has ever heard of. Fires is so bizarre and witty, real yet unbelievable, and compelling, it hurts. Read it on the beach.

I’ve always wondered what could possibly be going on in Michele Bachmann’s head, and Sager — by making the effort to create a character for her, and fill her head with motivations, feelings, and thoughts — has dared to go where no man has ever gone before! Into the void of nothingness! For that alone, Sager deserves my money — it’s only $2.99, and so what if I would never actually take my iPad to the beach, where it might get wet and sandy. I’m ready to pre-order one from Amazon for Kindle or on iTunes for iBooks right now (Both eBook apps are available on many PCs, tablets, and platforms).

Here’s the video with Mendendez’s interview with Sager: