‘Angry And Intoxicated’ — Hilarious Police Report From Drunken Palin Family Brawl

Anchorage, Alaska authorities on Thursday said that they will not press charges in connection with a brawl last month that involved the illustrious?family of former half-term governor of Alaska and failed 2008 vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Some highlights from the police report, from Alaska Dispatch News:

  • More than 15 witnesses were interviewed, and the statements are predictably conflicting.
  • At least two fights appear to have broken out during the party: a fight involving Track and Todd Palin, and one involving Bristol Palin.
  • Seven witnesses verified Klingenmeyer’s account of being punched in the face repeatedly by Bristol Palin.
  • The Palins told police they were leaving the house when Track was attacked. Other witnesses said a brawl outside the front of the house involving Track and Todd occurred before Bristol Palin began punching Klingenmeyer behind the home.
  • Officer Benjamin Nelson arrived at the home to find Sarah and Todd Palin arguing with others.
  • Todd, Track and Willow Palin confronted homeowner Klingenmeyer in his driveway, and police had to separate the parties.
  • Cops arrived to find?a group of people heading toward a long white limousine parked in the street. There was a strong smell of alcohol coming from the group.
  • Track Palin, shirtless and bloodied, was being led into the limousine by several others, who appeared ?intent on keeping him away from me,? the officer wrote.
  • Track ?acted belligerent at first but I was able to get him to step out of the car,? the officer?wrote. An ?angry and intoxicated? Palin told another officer?that his friend was sucker-punched from behind as the Palins were leaving the party.
  • The Palin family had decided to leave after ?some guys were talking rudely to his sisters, making them cry,? Track told police.
  • Track had blood around his mouth and on his hands and an injury under his left eye.
  • Witness Matthew McKenna also said he and Todd Palin were walking on the sidewalk when he saw Steve punched by an unknown person, and Steve fell to the pavement. McKenna and Palin rushed to help, and a group of men started ?piling? on Todd Palin. Track Palin then jumped into the fight, McKenna told police.
  • The fight eventually broke up, and McKenna told Todd to get his ?crew? and leave the party.
  • After the fight broke up, McKenna headed to the back of the house, where he told police he witnessed an ?out of control? Bristol Palin punch Klingenmeyer repeatedly in the face.
  • Bristol looked like she wanted to start a fight, Klingenmeyer said.
  • When Klingenmever asked Brisol to leave, she asked “Who the fuck are you?? He said that he was the owner of the house and she told him she didn’t believe him and she would??kick his ass.?
  • ?He says then that she hits him in the face. He says he then tells her to hit him again if it makes her feel better and she does.”
  • After six hard punches,?he grabbed her fist as she punched again, pushing her back as she fell down. She got up and tried to punch him again, but he pushed her down again.
  • The fight escalated as Track and another man began swinging punches at Klingenmeyer, and at that point several men stepped in to help him.
  • Matthew McKenna told police that during the fight he picked Bristol up, carried her into the street and put her down. ?At that point, Todd and Sarah Palin were there asking what happened and he told them to leave. Nobody listened and yet another fight started,? officer Adolf wrote.
  • Officer John Daily described Bristol Palin as ?heavily intoxicated and upset.? She told Daily that Klingenmeyer had pushed her to the ground and dragged her across the lawn after she had attempted to confront a woman about hitting her younger sister, Willow Palin. Bristol said she was heading to leave when she saw her brother attacked. She told Daily she ?didn’t have any clue? whether she hit Klingenmeyer or not.
  • Klingenmeyer told officer Daily he was ?angry that the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems,? and that he was considering filing charges but later told another officer that he had changed his mind.

The report is embedded below or you can access it here.

Palin Brawl Police Report

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Tiffany Willis is a fifth-generation Texan and the founder and editor-in-chief of Liberal America. An unapologetic member of the Christian Left, she has spent most of her career actively working with ?the least of these? and disadvantaged and oppressed populations. She’s passionate about their struggles. To stay on top of topics she discusses,?like her?Facebook page,?follow her on Twitter, or?connect with her via LinkedIn. She also has?a?grossly neglected personal blog?and a?literary quotes blog that is a labor of love. Find her somewhere and join the discussion.

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Tiffany Willis Clark is a fifth-generation Texan and the founder and editor-in-chief of Liberal America and AmReading.com. An unapologetic member of the Christian Left, she had a long and successful career actively working with at-risk youth, people struggling with poverty and unemployment, and disadvantaged and oppressed populations. She’s passionate about their struggles. In 2011, she made the decision to pursue her dreams and become a full-time writer. Connect with her on LinkedIn, follow her on Twitter, and like her Facebook page.