Those of you who have read my work or know me personally know that I mostly write about veteran’s issues, scathing pieces about right wing trash, or humor pieces on Idiots Of The Day. However, this is not such a piece. Shocking? I know. The recent suicide of Leelah Alcorn that could have been prevented had her parents loved and supported her for who she was really ripped me apart. It made me think of so many LGBT youth or any other children who lack the love and support of their parents. It made me think of what kind of father I could be and, more importantly, what kind of father I want to be if a kid or kids are in my future. So I decided to write a letter to my future child or children summing up the unconditional love I have for them.
?Dear Precious child or children,
If you are reading this you exist and your existence is the greatest joy in my life. Regardless of how you came to be, whether it be the result of starting a family with the love of my life or a night of one too many Jim Beam Sours and bad decisions, I want you to know that I love you with every fiber of my being and? you will always be my world. I may be too much of a jerk to say this stuff out loud sometimes or maybe I’m not alive to say it. Either way,? with all my mind, heart, and soul I mean it. This is my letter to you reinforcing my unconditional love while throwing in some life lessons.
?First and foremost, unconditional love means just that. Regardless of who you are, regardless of your gender identity, orientation, belief system (please don’t be republican I will still love you but I will have to try really hard), and your aspirations and goals, I will love and support you until the end of time.? I will never be ashamed of you even though I may not always understand you. But I will make every effort to do so. I will also do my best not to embarrass you in your teen years. However, as your lame old fart dad I can’t promise I won’t. Just remember my parents did it too me. But I promise there will be no painfully awkward baby pictures on public display as adorable I may think they are.?
? I promise that I will always advocate and fight for you tooth and nail to ensure that you are treated fairly and given everything you need. You may screw up sometimes and do things you are not supposed to do and I will hold you accountable for such actions. However, I? promise I will never do it by using abusive language or laying a hand on you. And if anyone else does they will answer to me. Just remember being disciplined is not fun but it doesn’t mean I love you any less. Good parents hold children accountable for things not because they want to get the best of them but bring out the best in them. Whatever rules I have in place for you are to preserve your health and safety. Hot stoves hurt and plastic is not food and it is never going to be food.? They also for gradually fostering a sense of responsibility in you so you can grow into a healthy, safe, and self sufficient adult.
? Don’t ever be afraid to ask me anything. I will always answer every question even if it is awkward. I will never deny you truth and knowledge. If I don’t know the answer I promise we will find out together. And trust me the sex talk is just as awkward for me as it is for you. But it’s for your safety. Just be glad you will get the truth, loads of condoms and oral barriers, and won’t be subject to any purity pledges or abstinence only BS. I promise that sex is a natural, enjoyable experience, and there’s nothing shameful about it. But remember no means no, if they are intoxicated it’s a no, if they seem the slightest bit unsure or uncomfortable it’s a no. Rape is the worst thing you can do to someone. Never do it. On the other end never ever let anyone coerce, nag, or force you into something you don’t want to do. Regardless of the places you hangout, the way you dress, or what or how much you take you as a person are entitled to?have your boundaries respected.
?? If you identify as gay, lesbian, bi, trans, or gender fluid I will support you in that 100% and make sure that you are not discriminated against or harassed because of it. Nobody messes with my kid. Also I will never expect you to live up to gender stereotypes. There are no boy things or girl things just things you like and things you don’t like. There’s nothing wrong with that. I can’t promise I’m going to like everything you like I also don’t expect you to like the things I don’t like. You may be my child but we are still .different people and that’s okay. Life would be boring and dull if everyone were the same. I also know that when you hit the age of 1o from there on out the things I like will be old and lame to you and? the things you like will be weird and scary to me. But again that’s okay.
Be quick to learn and understand and be slow to assume and judge. Being on the receiving end of people’s judgments and assumptions is never fun. In life small minded people will judge you based. Theres no way around that. But take the high road and be better than that. Be kind to others even if they are not always kind to you.
Never let anyone tell you your feelings are not valid. Nobody can control how they feel. Feelings are relative. What hurts you may not hurt someone else but that doesn’t mean the pain is not real. Also, pain comes and it goes. In life its okay to feel sad and hurt sometimes. And there will be times when you may not know why you feel the way you do. But I promise it will pass even if it feels like it will last forever. As you get older you will date, you will fall in love, and you will get heartbroken. It will hurt. I know I’ve been there. However, if you fall in love with yourself before you fall in love with another person the pain won’t last and if you love yourself times alone will be tolerable maybe even enjoyable.
Very important, a sense of humor is essential to survival in this world. In some situations the only thing you can do is laugh. Don’t take life too seriously. Trust me, nobody gets out of it alive. In your academic and career endeavors make time for rest and fun. Education and careers are a part of your life they are not your life and they shouldn’t be. Furthermore, make it a goal to take small steps everyday to make the world a little less f-ed up.
Don’t strive for perfection or even to be the best. It leads to disappointment because their will always be someone more skilled and knowledgeable than you. Don’t compete with them. Learn from them. Instead strive to be a little smarter and better than you were yesterday. Constant improvement brings constant rewards. Also, money comes and goes. No need to chase it. Chase happiness, wisdom, and love instead. That’s much harder come by.
?? Lastly, always know that no matter where you end up in life, who you love, and what you do. You are mine and I love you and will always be proud of you. The only thing I ask is that in life you pay that love forward. Give a little bit of love and kindness to everyone you meet and if you decide to have children of your own love them as much as I love you.
Image Credit: Pixabay via Creative Commons?
Let us know your thoughts at the Liberal America Facebook page. Sign up for our free daily newsletter to receive more great stories like this one.
