As a tortured 49ers fan — I miss you, Jim! — I should be sitting at this keyboard and trolling Seahawks fans. I should be blinded by fury, coming up with stupid name puns like conservative trolls do on liberal threads while throwing back Prozac like Skittles whenever I think about the last 15 years of 49er fandom.
I hate myself for admitting this, but I don’t hate the Seahawks. Honestly, the team is phenomenally talented and they have so much swagger. Even though I would love nothing more than to run over Pete Carroll with a short bus (which is why my wife and I agreed NOT to move to Seattle), I cannot sit here and diminish the personalities on that team and how entertaining and fun to watch they are.
Oh, hey, speaking of Skittles…
Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch, famous for his refusal to talk to the media, recently jumped into television advertising… in the most bizarre of ways. Appearing on EVINE Live with Allison Wagner, “Beast Mode” discusses his “intimate” relationship with the candies.
“We done became one,” he says, grabbing a Skittle from a large clear bowl in the table in front of him. “Want me to show you how it’s done?” He pops the Skittle into his mouth. “Now we one.”
Lynch’s television advertising adventure (embedded below) revealed more about the enigmatic running back than any sports journalist could have dreamed of. When asked what he would do if he was at a party devoid of Skittles, Lynch stated he would be “gone.” Wagner then asked him if there was a cute woman that didn’t like Skittles, Marshawn says she’s “sour” and “not sweet enough” to date.
This bit of television advertising was seriously bizarre. And I’ve been exposed to a lot of Vince Offer over the years. I mean, anyone with a dirty mind would easily be able to attach double entendre to just about every word uttered in the bit.
For a man who is the subject of such speculation, even as far as his career is concerned, perhaps this crazy piece of television advertising may be a first look into what “Beast Mode” will do after he scores his final NFL touchdown.
Taste the rainbow!
