Can Your Liver Handle Starbucks’s New Halloween Abomination?

Image credit: Jo Szewyczyk
Image credit: Jo Szewyczyk

Halloween is here and so is the new Sugar Bomb from Starbucks.  It’s no secret that I love Starbucks. I think baristas are near godlike with their wizard powers of making my day better just by bringing me an adult version of a milkshake. When I saw this new invention, I knew I had to have some. They had previous Halloween menu items like the Frankenstein Frappuccino, but now they have pulled out all stops with this new sugar bomb. Without any further ado, I bring you “Frappula”.

Starbucks Halloween Flavor: Frappula.

What’s a Frappula, you might ask? Well, other than a missed opportunity to do a Frank N Furter Frappuccino (although that name might translate into something horrific in some places), the Frappula is the gooeyest Halloween invention yet (however, if you live in the UK, then the “Vampire Frappuccino” is the gooeyest). What goes into this Halloween drink?

  • one metric tonne of white chocolate sauce
  • layers (plural) of mocha sauce
  • don’t forget the whipped cream in the middle
  • a bit (small lake) of raspberry syrup for the top
  • even more whipped cream on top of that syrup

Now, if you are in the UK, then you will have the same basic concept but regular chocolate instead of white chocolate and strawberry sauce for raspberry. I think the UK might have a better Halloween drink this time, but they deserve it. Those poor buggers were stuck with a “coffee jelly” frappuccino that looked like Willy Wonka exploded into a cup and then that cup was covered in slime. We’ll let them have a win this round.

Don’t worry about the calories. This Halloween monstrosity is only 540 calories and just a mere 75% of your total fat intake for the day. To put this into perspective, a Big Mac is only 20 calories less. Don’t let calories stop you, though– it’s Halloween, and the sugar rush has just begun.

Jo Szewczyk is an American scholar who earned his PhD from Lancaster University in the UK. He is currently an ex-pat American living in Montreal, Canada where he spends his time with his cat, Chuck Finley.