Stephen Colbert, like many of us who were looking for a good laugh Wednesday evening, watched the GOP debate and was thoroughly disgusted by some of the questions, but mostly by the responses from the candidates.
Last night on his show, Colbert asked his studio audience if they had also watched the debate:
“Did you guys watch the debate on CNBC (Wednesday) night? Yeah? I’m so sorry. I did watch it, and in some ways it was impressive. It managed to thread the needle between confusing and boring.”
Colbert noted that some of the questions asked by the moderators from CNBC were not very good:
“They opened with the one question that no one in human history has ever answered honestly. When I interviewed for this job, I said my biggest weakness was, sometimes I work so hard I forget to cash my paychecks. But of all the non-answers the candidates gave, Ted Cruz’s was the most least: ‘If you want someone to grab a beer with, I may not be that guy, but if you want someone to drive you home, I will get the job done.’ That’s a great appeal to voters. Ted Cruz 2016 — get in the car.”
No, thanks, Ted, I’d rather walk than have to ride in the same car and listen to your particular brand of craziness.
But Colbert saved his sharpest barbs for the person most deserving of them: Donald Trump, setting up his takedown of the Donald perfectly:
“Much like the campaign season itself, last night felt like an unending slog, and believe it or not, it could have been even unending-er if it wasn’t for the heroic action taken by the knight in shining bronzer.”
Colbert showed a video clip of Trump bragging (which he does endlessly) about how he had managed to get the duration of the debate changed to two hours instead of three or three and a half. He then opened up a “huuuuge” can of whoop-ass and finished with this:
“Donald, you saved us from another hour and a half of that debate. You truly are a great leader, and you have earned my vote — as long as you can negotiate your presidency down from four years to — you know, two hours feels about right.”
We may not have Jon Stewart anymore, but thank goodness Stephen Colbert is still around to dish out the barbs the candidates so richly deserve.