As a young millennial woman, I’m at that age where all my friends are getting married and having kids.
Well, I’m not.
I’m glad that they are happy with their lives. I have chosen to never have children, and I’m happy with my choice.
I know that many people consider me selfish and all that, and I don’t care. What I’m sick of is people saying rude things to women who choose to remain child-free. We are women; we should be supporting each other.
Having babies is optional; not everyone takes the same path in life. Almost half (49.6 percent) of women ages 25 to 29 are not having babies. One blogger actually said that we are causing the “deterioration of society.”
There are many reasons why we choose not to have children. No matter how valid those reasons are, some people insist on being judgmental about it.
I have some responses to the women that insist on judging us for our child-free life choice. Use any of these that you want to next time someone tries to pass judgement on you if you’ve chosen the same path.
1. “It’s a bad decision, choice, etc.”
Who are you to say that? What is your definition of “bad”? This is never followed by any concrete, solid arguments.
As the author of this piece on Big Think puts it:
“If this person can give a reasonable argument – justified and ethical – for why you should have children, do let me know.”
2. “Your life is meaningless without children.”
So, children are the only meaningful pursuit in life? That’s not true. People find meaning in many ways. We have pets. People have careers. When you say something like that, it is really an autobiographical statement for your life. Keep your judgements out of my life. As our editor in chief always says, “having children would have definitely slowed Oprah down.”
3. “You’re being selfish.”
Damn straight! I’m exercising my right to control what and when I do things with my body. I’m not renting it out to anyone.
Also, being a good parent requires you to be completely selfless. Parents sacrifice everything for their children. I don’t believe that you should be a parent unless you are willing to do that. Yes, I am totally selfish.
4. “What’s wrong with you?”
This is extra mean. There is nothing wrong with me for not wanting children. Women are a lot more than just walking baby factories.
The author of the Big Think piece said:
“A lot: What specifically do you mean? You mean why am I not giving into social pressure to pump out endless numbers of babies? Yes: clearly there’s a problem with me.”
5. “You think you don’t want children, but once you have them you’ll change your mind.”
There is absolutely no logic in this statement. I should have one that I don’t want, so I’ll want it. Um…no. There are plenty of parents out there who regret their children. One parent said this in a blog post:
“I resented the time my children consumed. Like parasites, they took from me and didn’t give back.”
Regretting not having children is way better than having children and regretting them.
6. “Don’t wait too long.”
This is just plain stupid. I don’t want kids, so I’m not “waiting” for anything.
7. “Is it because you don’t want to pass your genes on to someone else?”
In my case, this is actually true. I have a mental illness, and I don’t want to pass on my genes.
Other people don’t worry about that. As one Redditor, celestialism, said:
“Exactly, that’s how I feel. But it’s been explained to me (not by a family member) that my parents might want grandchildren and/or to pass on their lineage, and that it would be selfish for me to deny them that in favor of living my own life in which I do what I want to do.”
8. “It’s a mom thing.”
This is also dumb. Having kids is obviously a “mom thing.”
9. “Your mom had you.”
Yes, I’m aware of that. Everyone has a mom, but I don’t want to be a mom myself.
10. “You don’t know what real love is.”
This is just plain mean. I’m absolutely, positively crazy about my boyfriend. I loved my dog and was heartbroken when I lost her. That love runs deep.
Not everyone’s life has room for children. Please respect that.
Even CNN has focused on the increasing trend to more child-free women:
Featured image via Graphicstock