There’s nothing like voting on legislation about which the decision-makers know nothing. In order to remedy the situation, here are 10 education-providing steps that ALL anti-choice lawmakers who want to dictate both moral and health choices to women should be required to take:
1. Go through simulated labor.
It’s already been done, more than once. In the video below, two men from Michigan decided to prove their wives were exaggerating the pain of childbirth. They agreed to have electrodes that simulated labor attached to their abdomens. To their dismay and the wives’ delight, they found out just how wrong they were. Watch if you dare:
2. Have an episiotomy.
When the vaginal opening doesn’t stretch far enough to let the baby emerge, the surgeon uses a scalpel to make a cut from the vagina toward the anus. Afterward, it is stitched back up. For those who don’t have a vagina, a cut and stitches between the anus and the balls will do. Don’t worry. It only takes 4-6 weeks to completely heal:
3. Have an epidural.
This delivers an anesthetic into the body to numb the pain of birth and delivery. It is administered through a needle and catheter arrangement that is injected between the bones in the lower part of the back. Those who need further preparation and who have a strong stomach can watch an actual epidural here:
4. Simulate a Caesarian birth.
Births get more complicated when vaginal delivery isn’t possible, either because the baby is in distress or the mother is–or sometimes, a C-section is scheduled for the convenience of the doctor. In these deliveries, a long incision is made through the abdominal wall and the wall of the uterus in order to get the baby out. Stitches are then required, of course. The incision will heal in 4-6 weeks, assuming one keeps it from getting infected. For those who don’t have a uterus, opening the abdominal cavity will do. Want to see an actual C-section? Of course there’s a video:
- ?Plan and attend the funeral of a baby who died due to birth defects. It happens–sometimes before birth, sometimes just after, sometimes after a grueling amount of time and some extreme medical intervention have taken place.
- Arrange an adoption for your youngest child/grandchild, preferably just before or after the child’s birth–you know, before there’s any real emotional attachment.
- Have an anal probe, at least twice. Anal probes most closely resemble vaginal ultrasounds that are done to assess the growth and development of the fetus. Plus, women routinely have a doctor’s finger inserted in their rectum during pelvic examinations when the physician wants to feel the uterus.
- Gain 50 pounds no matter what physical problems exist, even if those problems or the weight gain may be life-threatening. No matter what the risk to your life, the weight can’t be lost until a full 9 months is up.
- Experience a ‘problem’ pregnancy. This means spending two months on total bedrest–after you’ve gained most of your 50 pounds–unable to stand or leave the house. A bedpan and the assistance of someone else may be required, whether you can afford an aide or not. Surely your relatives will provide care, won’t they?
- ?Grow a watermelon up your butt and try to squeeze it out when it reaches eight pounds.
Had enough? So have I–and so have the women of America. Get out of our uteruses, anti-choice lawmakers, and quit treating us like imbeciles.
Photo screen captured from Kensington Church Film’s video, Labor Pain Simulation.
Edited/Published by: SB