Here Are The 22 Dumbest Things Christians Have Ever Said

As a child growing up in the Bible Belt, there were accepted beliefs among most common sense Christians. For example, we believed that it likely took God more than seven actual days to create everything in the known universe. The widely accepted opinion was that the Biblical concept of a “day” was likely different from the 24-hour day that we have now.

We also knew that dinosaurs roamed the earth before there were homo-sapiens. We didn’t really have a reconciliation of this with our Christian beliefs, but no one questioned it. The general idea among Christians (which was everyone in my hometown) was that God knows and not everything is within our understanding. The God I grew up learning to worship was an omnipresent being who knew everything. But something has happened in the last couple of decades.

Evangelical Christians have become stupid.

Or they’ve chosen to be stupid. Or they’re just plain crazy. Or…I don’t know. Rather than believing that God is an intelligent designer, they seem to believe he was a wizard with a magic wand. Instead of seeing God as the Great Scientist, they seem to think God is stupid and can’t have possibly created the heavens and the earth with science rather than wizardry.

Evangelical Christians are guilty of making those of us who are sane Christians look stupid. They’re giving us a bad name. They are effectively turning us into the most hated group of religious people in the world.

I’m an open and unapologetic member of the Christian Left. I take a lot of crap from non-believers who think that I must be stupid for being a believer. I also take a lot of crap from Christians because I question and refuse to be an ignorant follower. I’ve made it sort of a personal mission to attempt to not convert others but to let my light shine so that people will see that not all Christians are these idiotic kooks.

My way of proselytizing is to not scare everyone in the world away from anything to do with Christianity. My readers tend to be non-judgmental and they respect my beliefs as they do those of Jews, Muslims, Hindus, etc…

The fact is, I hear and see Christians saying really stupid things. It’s embarrassing. Here’s the best of the best. Or the worst of the worst.

1. Evolution is just a theory.

By that reasoning, belief in a Biblical God is also a theory — at least to non-believers.

2. If you don’t believe in God, you can’t be good.

Ridiculous. Every day, we hear stories about pastors and other religious figures in a scandal of some sort. Infidelity, theft, child molestation, etc…Their belief in God didn’t help them be more moral, did it?

3. You can’t prove God doesn’t exist.

Can we prove that he does? Most non-believers say that the burden of proof is on us who are theists.

4. Anything said while speaking in tongues.

I grew up in an Assembly of God church. Speaking in tongues was a common practice. The way it works is that one person supposedly gets taken over by the Holy Spirit and begins to chant gibberish. Then after a few minutes, another church member “translates” the message from God.

OK, so the omniscient being (God) that I worship doesn’t know English? This is a great example of Christians implying that God is stupid.

5. Nothing can come from nothing, so an intelligent being must have created it.

I personally agree, but did it genuinely definitely happen in seven 24-hour days? I don’t believe it did.

6. A Godly home guarantees Godly children.

No. Just no.

7. When someone dies, they become an angel.

This is completely not Biblical. Human beings and angels are completely different creatures. The Bible is very clear about this.

8. Put God back in schools.

Again, he is an omniscient being. If he wants to be there, he’s there.

9. Keep the Christ in Christmas.

Um…no. Man put the Christ in Christmas and many of us believe Christ would rather not be there.

10. We’re in the end times — Jesus is coming soon.

The Bible is very clear that no one knows the time of Christ’s return.

11. If you have enough faith, you’ll be healed.

Ever seen God grow back an amputated limb? Or heard of such?

I’ve known many people who had lots of faith and they weren’t healed. If non-believers die of horrible disease, Christians say that they didn’t have faith enough to be healed. If Christians die of horrible disease, Christians say that “God healed them completely and took them home” or “God needed them in heaven.”

12. God told me to _______.

This isn’t provable on any level. If God did tell you to do something, that was a conversation with no witnesses. It’s asking a lot to expect people to believe that.

13. It’s un-Christian to question anything in the Bible.

God (the omniscient being) gave you a brain. Use it.

14. God destroyed ______ with a hurricane (or fire or whatever).

That’s very much a logical fallacy, because when it’s done to Christians, they say that the devil is testing them. Or God is testing them. Yet when it happens to anyone else, it’s God punishing the victims. Shut up.

15. If you’re not ashamed to say you believe in God, share this photo (or status or whatever).

Because God is spending all of his time on Facebook patrolling memes?

16. Kangaroos were the first to sink during the great flood because they have pouches that filled up with water.

Stupid. Just stupid.

17. Homosexuals molest children more than heterosexuals.

Actually, the horror stories we hear more often than not involve a heterosexual adult who has preyed on a child.

18. The miracles that happened in the Bible prove that God exists.

Do the miracles that happen in a Harry Potter book prove that, too? Again, we have to refine our argument if we expect non-believers to take us seriously in any way.

19. Graffiti is a sign of the abandonment of God.


20. Animals ended up on different continents by making rafts out of logs that were knocked down by the great flood.

To float across oceans. Um…yeah.

21. Our Founding Fathers were Christians.

Nope. At least not all of them were.

“Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies.” – Thomas Jefferson

“In no instance have . . . the churches been guardians of the liberties of the people.” – James Madison

“Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.” – Benjamin Franklin

“I beg you be persuaded that no one would be more zealous than myself to establish effectual barriers against the horrors of spiritual tyranny, and every species of religious persecution.” – George Washington

“The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity.” – John Adam

22. Donald Trump was sent by God.

There were so many examples to choose from, but let’s go with America’s nuttiest grandpa Pat Robinson. Here he is explaining why voting against Trump is voting against God.

Forget weeping, Jesus just threw up.

BONUS: Fossils were put here by God to test our faith.

Yes, someone actually said this to me. My ex-husband has a degree in geology. One of his former professors has a father who is an evangelical Christian. When the professor asks his Dad “well how do you explain fossils, etc…if the world is only 7,000 years old?” His Dad’s response? “God put all of that stuff here to test our faith.”

OK so, God really enjoys messing with people’s heads and playing games? Pin the tail on the myth? Why would anyone want to be a part of our religion if this kind of nonsense were true?

I had a successful career actively working with at-risk youth, people struggling with poverty and unemployment, and disadvantaged and oppressed populations. In 2011, I made the decision to pursue my dreams and become a full-time writer. Connect with me on LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook.