Gay Marriage: Time to Rethink ‘Sanctity’

I took my mother out for lunch on Valentine’s Day, and as we sat to eat, the table next to us was occupied by two women. They were clearly in love with each other; they never lost sight of each other’s eyes for more than five seconds at a time.

Image by Ted Eytan via Flickr


You may not know it now, but there was a time in my life that I disapproved of gay marriage. When I started college, I was one of those certain types of people who believed in the sanctity of marriage, and that marriage should be denied to “certain types of people.” Then, something changed for me on one of my meditative walks back to campus from my apartment.

I had an epiphany. I changed my views. I am no longer opposed to gay marriage. I fully support LGBT rights.

Please note: Just because I changed my mind doesn’t mean I’ve compromised my original principles. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage. I still believe only certain types of marriages are sacred. What’s different about me is how I define “sacred.”

Marriage isn’t sacred because of some formal swapping of jewelry, or a ceremonial exchange of vows, or because some holy emissary bestows God’s blessings upon it. It isn’t sacred because a judge declares it so, regardless of whatever legal powers are invested in him.

What makes marriage sacred is LOVE. Marriage is special, not because you can stand in a church and say “I do” when asked “Do you promise to cherish your partner for the rest of your life?” It’s because you cannot imagine walking through life with anyone else BUT the person who just walked down the aisle with you. You’re compelled to become one family, not because someone is forcing you into a relationship. True love cannot be forced. True love comes naturally.

The two women at that table were, without a doubt, a match made in heaven. I have seen other couples, including two very close friends who?are raising a beautiful daughter together. When I see the three of them interact, I cannot help but think to myself, “the world would be a better place if every child had a family that loved and adored each other as much as these do.” Don’t tell me that this is unnatural. Don’t tell me that this love is a “choice.” And don’t you dare tell me that a union between two loving people is less “sacred” just because the relationship is between two men or two women.

Need I remind you of some of the most beautiful and “sacred” marriages in recent history? Do you remember the ?traditional values? marriage between Britney Spears and Jason Alexander?

You know, the marriage that was 100-percent lawful because it was between “one man” and “one woman?” The union that was approved by a minister and blessed by Almighty God, because it was between “Britney and Jason” and not “Britney and Kaesyn?” The marriage that God blessed just enough so it could stay strong, and endure a lifetime of only 55 hours? I know of some microscopic, wormlike, freshwater invertebrates that can out-live that marriage!


Needless to say, there mustn’t have been a lot of love in that marriage. But that’s ok, according to conservative values. A loveless couple still has the right to wed, so long as it’s between one man and one woman.

In my opinion, the biggest assault on marriage and family isn’t that too many ‘”true loving” couples are tying the knot; it’s that too few are. By rewriting my standards about what it is that makes marriage truly sacred, I now support gay marriage 100 percent. Isn?t it about time that we all stop, and rethink about this?

Clayton Ousley lives in Ann Arbor, MI with his beautiful daughter, Charlotte (a German Shepherd/Alaskan Malamute mix). He has a BA in History and Intelligence Studies from Notre Dame College, and is currently working on his MA in Military History from Norwich University. He enjoys playing his bagpipes, reading, hiking, and cooking ethnic foods.