Here is a list of jokes you can tell at your next conservative family gathering that’s sure to make you the star of the party! Republican jokes are essential in order for liberals to keep their sanity in this country. See more jokes at republicanjoke.com
1. Why did the Republican cross the road? ?
There was a black guy on the first side.
2. What do you call a Republican politician who hasn’t been connected to a gay sex scandal?
3. Why do they say elephants never forget?
They haven’t met Alberto Gonzalez.
4. How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he’s done.
5. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
200. Ten to attach the bulb to the sun, and 190 to make the sun revolve around the Earth.
6. How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Change is evil and we should leave the light bulb as it.
7. How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but millions volunteered to get rid of anything dark
8. You might be a Republican if…
You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”
9. You might be a Republican if…
You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
10. When will scientists cure the common cold?
Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won’t dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.
11. How big is a Republican-size bed?
Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
12. How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
Turn on the spell checker.
13. Why do Republican tax cuts always expire in ten years or less?
They want to make them thirty but keep running out of fingers.
14. Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
They’re scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
15. Why didn’t Republicans save any of the black New Orleans residents from the flooding of Hurricane Katrina?
They were busy trying to get two of each animal for their ark first and couldn’t catch that damned roadrunner.
MORE?Republican Jokes — BONUS SECTION!
You Might Be A Republican If…..
- You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese.
- You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and “Deduction two”
- You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
- You’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend”
- You’ve ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
- You’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
- You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
- The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they’re richer than you.
- You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.
- You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.
- You call mall rent-a-cops “jack-booted thugs.”
- You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches.”
- You’ve ever said, “I can’t wait to get into business school.”
- You’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Tootsie.”
- You answer to “The Man.”
- You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
- You fax the FBI a list of “Commies in my Neighborhood.”
- You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”
- You scream “Dit-dit-ditto” while making love.
- You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”
- When people say “Marx,” you think “Groucho.”
- You’ve ever yelled, “Hey hippie, get a haircut.”
- You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
- You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
- Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
- You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
- You’ve ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.
- You’ve ever said “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
- You’ve ever called education a luxury.
- You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
- You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
- You came of age in the ’60s and don’t remember Bob Dylan.
- You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.
- You’re afraid of the liberal media.”
- You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates….”
- You’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes.
- You confuse Lenin with Lennon.