Jihadist SBC Leaders Declare ‘Spiritual Warfare’ On SCOTUS, Obviously Lack Degree In Bible Studies

The annual Southern Baptist Convention is a magical affair. Not in the wizards and dragons and “rolling 1’s” kind of way, but in the “perfect fodder for punditry” kind of way. It’s always a treat to read and watch and listen to church leaders ramble on about their religion and politics, especially since it’s painfully obvious each one of these leaders would benefit from a degree in Bible studies.

sbc degree in bible studies
The Southern Baptist Convention — image via fbcdurham.org

Of course, a degree in Bible studies for these people would probably put me out of the job.

Southern Baptist leaders?assembled in Columbus, Ohio on Tuesday. With a mighty roar and collection plate money spilling from their pockets, the convention came to a consensus that “spiritual warfare” was an appropriate response to the upcoming Supreme Court ruling on same-sex marriage. According to the rabid evangelists, the Supreme Court does not have the authority to overturn bans on same-sex marriage, since, obviously, maintaining LGBT American’s second-class status is imperative, for Republican God invented marriage and he said “no gays allowed.” From Raw Story:

“‘Southern Baptists recognize that no governing institution has the authority to countermand God’s definition of marriage,’ the statement continued. ‘No matter how the Supreme Court rules, the Southern Baptist Convention reaffirms its unwavering commitment to its doctrinal and public beliefs concerning marriage.'”

But, my bigoted evangelical friends, where does that belief come from? Is it really doctrinal, as you claim, or is your lack of a degree in Bible studies prompting you to talk out of your ass?

I mean, I don’t recall there being any explicit mention in the Bible regarding who is qualified to marry and who isn’t, but more importantly than that, I seem to recall from anthropological studies that marriage is really more of a business transaction than anything else.

But, then again, what do I know? I lack a degree in Bible studies as well.

“‘America: We stand believing that marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in a covenant commitment for a lifetime; we do not need to redefine what God himself has defined already,’ Floyd opined.”

Can that statement really be made? I mean, the Bible is not really an empirical source. I know I would have bombed research papers if I used the Bible for anything other than a verse. Seriously, though, how could God have defined marriage within the SBC’s sectarian viewpoint if the Bible was not actually written by God himself? Humans wrote the Bible, probably following a fair amount of time wherein the stories contained were just oral tradition.

If playing Telephone has taught me anything, what was actually said quickly disappears when a bunch of people repeat it over and over again.

I must say that for a bunch of people who claim to be well-versed in interpreting the Bible, the Southern Baptist Convention sure has a problem finding constructive, academic ways to support their cause. I mean, today’s Christian leaders, particularly the evangelical ones, sound more like Edmund Pettus than Jesus. One merely has to substitute African-Americans with LGBT Americans and the arguments all sound the same.

I don’t know. Like I said above, I don’t have a degree in Bible studies, but it appears the leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention lack a degree in Bible studies as well.

Of course, there is a huge difference between me and these guys. I don’t mask my bigotries behind words written by people who believed burying children in post poles would ward off evil.

 

Robert could go on about how he was raised by honey badgers in the Texas Hill Country, or how he was elected to the Texas state legislature as a 19-year-old wunderkind, or how he won 219 consecutive games of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots against Hugh Grant, but those would be lies. However, Robert does hail from Lewisville, Texas, having been transplanted from Fort Worth at a young age. Robert is a college student and focuses his studies on philosophical dilemmas involving morality, which he feels makes him very qualified to write about politicians. Reading the Bible turned Robert into an atheist, a combative disposition toward greed turned him into a humanist, and the fact he has not lost a game of Madden football in over a decade means you can call him "Zeus." If you would like to be his friend, you can send him a Facebook request or follow his ramblings on Twitter. For additional content that may not make it to Liberal America, Robert's internet tavern, The Zephyr Lounge, is always open