Programming Note: We will be live-tweeting the debate (and drinking along with you) tonight starting at 9pm EST over at @libamericaorg. Come join us!
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They’re baaaaaccckkkkkkk!
Tonight, the wonderful and gorgeous city of Charleston, South Carolina, will be subjected to the Republican candidates all vying to be their party’s nominee for President.
The debate will air on Fox Business Network (if you get that one – you may have to search hard). If you don’t, or won’t be near a TV, you can also live stream the debate on FoxBusiness.com on your computer or phone. The Fox News App will also have a live stream available.
According to the Fox Business website, the debate will supposedly focus on economic, domestic and international policy issues. However, there’s no guarantee that these future MENSA members will stick with the script (note sarcasm).
You can feast your eyes on the sausage fest of the main debate starting at 9pm EST/8pm CST. Sadly, the sole owner of two X chromosomes in this race vying (i.e. Carly Fiorina) has been bumped to the JV debate. If you have way too much time on your hands, or are trying to find something to put you to sleep, you can always tune in to that one at 6pm EST/5pm CST.
Tonight will surely be a barn-burner, as Donald Trump has recently been lobbing birther bombs at Sen. Ted Cruz. Further, Cruz has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle with his campaign loans, so that will likely pour fuel on the fire. Jeb is still the gunner at the front of the class trying desperately to get the teacher’s attention, and Carson is the kid using whatever means necessary not to fail out.
Since the only way that a normal person could handle this epic meeting of egotistical blowhards is to consume copious amounts of alcohol, I’ve revised my original drinking game to enable you to watch.
[DISCLAIMER: Please note that this is meant to be funny. Liberal America does not support drinking to excess. We are not liable if you decide to be ridiculous and drink yourself silly.]
WORDS/PHRASES/STORIES FOR WHICH EVERYONE DRINKS:
If any candidate says the following, everyone must drink.
- Reagan
- Who would likely be too liberal for today’s current Republican party
- Radical Islamic Terrorism/ists
- Drink twice if they include a jab at President Obama for not calling terrorists by this name
- Good Guy With A Gun story/analogy
- The 72-year-old-Grandma theory (if you watched the West Wing, this will make sense)
- The 2nd Amendment and/or Government Is Trying To Take Away Our Guns
- Self-explanatory
- I’m A Product Of The American Dream story
- How these multi-millionaires and billionaires pulled themselves up by their bootstraps
- I’m Not A ________, But story
- Such as, I’m not a scientist, but . . . or I’m not a doctor, but . . . – oftentimes said before making a comparison that is supposed to endear them to the average American
- I’m The Only One Here Who . . . Story
- Where they try to set themselves apart
Drink Water every time the Republican candidate ignores the moderator and continues to talk (hey, you’ve got to keep hydrated!)
CANDIDATE SPECIFIC WORDS/PHRASES:
Pick your poison (i.e. candidate), and then drink whenever they say one of the listed phrases. You are welcome to pick more than one, but I would refrain from doing so if you select Trump. You must pick from amongst:
- Donald Trump
- Ben Carson
- Ted Cruz
- Marco Rubio
- Jeb Bush
- John Kasich
- Chris Christie
If you’re drinking alone, you automatically get Donald Trump (also, you might want to seek help).
- DONALD TRUMP
- Best
- Muslims
- Mosques
- Great/greatest
- Declares he is not a bigot/racist
- Mocks another candidate
- Rolls eyes
- TED CRUZ
- Carpet bomb/nuke the Middle East
- Traditional values
- Declares he is not a bigot/racist
- Radical Islamic Terrorism/ist
- Obama
- MARCO RUBIO
- Immigrant/tion
- Declares he is not a bigot/racist because of his family
- Attacks Cruz
- Attacks Trump
- BEN CARSON
- Outsider
- Talks about his time as a doctor
- Arab allies
- Drink water when he fails to specify who those allies are
- Reince Priebus/RNC/Brokered Convention
- Talks without making point
- Gets angry for not having enough time
- JEB BUSH
- Brings up his brother
- Makes awkward joke
- Attacks Trump
- Uses term “Chaos candidate”
- “Common sense” solutions
- CHRIS CHRISTIE
- Talks about what he did after 9/11 to keep Jersey safe
- Tries to prove his toughness
- Threatens to bomb somewhere
- Acts annoyed at the moderators
- Says he is the only one who knows how to protect America from terrorists/ism
- JOHN KASICH
- Worked together
- Tells awkward family story
- Describes other candidates as unreasonable
- Ohio
- Drink water if he tells the other candidates they are being unrealistic, or the audience boos him
If a candidate interrupts another, the person who has the candidate that did the interrupting must also drink.
If a candidate makes a jab at another, the person who has the candidate making the jab must toast the person with the candidate to whom the jab is being made.
There you go! Have at it, and feel free to add your own Republican-specific candidate words/phrases as well.
h/t to Rolling Stone, The Sun Times, Buzzfeed, and DebateDrinking.com for the inspiration.
Featured image via Pixabay, available under a Creative Commons – Public Domain dedication.