7 Things The Bible Bans (But Everyone Does Anyhow)

Bible thumpers love pulling out the Law of the Lord, when defending certain stone age ideologies. Ironically, the Bible actually bans pulling out. Here’s 7 other acts the Bible bans (but bigots tend to do anyhow).

1. Divorce


Mark 10:8-9

“[You] are no longer two, but one flesh… What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate”

Too bad nearly half of all married couples in the US end up getting a divorce.

2. Bowl Cuts


Leviticus 19:27

“You shall not round off the side growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard”

God logic: damned to an eternity in Hell for that bowl cuts your mom gave you in the third grade.

3. Eating Pork or Shellfish


Leviticus 11:8

You shall not eat of [pig’s] flesh, nor touch their carcasses

Leviticus 11:10

“Whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable… to you”

Basically, Leviticus was a vegetarian. So say goodbye to bacon, tossing the ol’ pigskin around, and anything that’s not Kosher.

4. Cute Women’s Clothes… Especially Synthetic Blends


Timothy 2:9

“Women [should] adorn themselves with proper clothing… not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments”

Leviticus 19:19

“You shall not… wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together”

On the bright side, all the Single Ladies, get to chill with Beyonce in Hell.

5 . Tattoos


Leviticus 19:28

“You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves”

The irony rests in all of those crucifixion tattoos inmates get in prison.

6. Watching Long Island Medium


Leviticus 19:31

“Do not turn to mediums or Spiritist”

According to Leviticus, anybody who visits a psychic will die. This includes Zoltar.

7. Pulling Out


Genesis 38:9-10

“Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”

So, next time you masturbate might be your last.

All images, including the Featured Image via Pixabay.