“Hi, roommate! I just folded your laundry instead of masturbating!”
Well, I’m going straight to Hell. Ashamedly, I was thinking more about the dude doing what he’s telling us not to do, than not doing what his beautiful Christian soul is attempting to convince us is wrong. By the way, just to clear this up now, masturbating is not only not wrong, it’s actually unhealthy for you if you don’t. Bless his heart, he must not be aware that masturbating is actually good for your health. It prevents cancer, ups your immunity, and boosts your mood. Just saying!
So tug away — no place for guilt when you’ve got science on your side.
But screw the clinical studies for a minute. Take a peek at this peculiar anti-masturbation video the gang at New Now Next has brought our attention to, and describe this way,
“The young host of the attack on self-pleasure opens the video by explaining why masturbation ‘shouldn’t be a part of your Christian walk’.”
(Excuse me, it sounds very complicated walking and wanking at the same time!)
Oh, okay… That’s a little off. He’s joking, right?
Now you’re thinking what we thought, this has to be a parody — there are just way too many double-entendres, and insane statements for this to be real. But, we’re pretty sure it is legit. (Please feel free to try and debunk it… We’d love to hear what you find)
And the beginning, our “educator” points out there’s no way to masturbate without sinfully lusting after someone while you do it.
“If you are masturbating, you are having lustful thoughts about a woman, there’s no way around it. What else would you be thinking about?”
Hello!!! MEN, duh!
In the end, to tuck us in nicely our endearing host goes on and gives us an exciting list of things we all COULD do instead of masturbating.
We don’t think so!
Check out the video for yourself here:
Image is a YouTube screengrab.
