If you want to get an idea of what kind of President the Republican nominee might be, you can take a look at the gigantic, glittery, empty promise that was known as Trump Vodka.
According to a report in Mother Jones, it was back in the early 2000s when Donald Trump got into the alcohol business. It’s a pretty pathetic story, really, but at the same time you have to laugh.
It all started with a man named J. Patrick Kenny who used to work for a big distilling company. Kenny decided to strike out on his own in the liquor business, and started a company called “Drinks Americas“. Each type of alcohol would be connected to the name of a celebrity.
Trump was a very recognizable brand at that time, so Kenny offered Donald a chance to earn half the profits on his vodka in return for the use of the name. Thus was Trump Vodka born.
The marketing was exactly what you’d expect for Donald J. The bottle was an ostentatious gold design made to mimic a skyscraper (get it?). The motto was “Distilled success.”
Trump called the vodka “smooth” and “great tasting.”
The problem with that?
The man doesn’t drink alcohol.
So he claimed that his vodka was delicious, although he hadn’t ever tasted it. He called it “Distilled success” before it had a chance to succeed.
Here’s where it gets really prophetic.
Trump decided to sell his product to people who absolutely didn’t need it. He decided that it was a wise business move to market vodka in Russia.
Of course, he didn’t sell his “smooth” drink in common liquor stores. No. Instead he attended something called the “Moscow Millionaire’s Fair“, an annual event where Russia’s corrupt millionaires are able to buy the latest in luxury items.
In 2006 those luxuries included a vodka that was distilled in the Netherlands, owned by a guy named Kenny but marketed as the product of an American celebrity.
The Russian ad was bizarre at best. It was all gold and black and it featured such random items as a tiger surrounded by flowers, St. Basil’s Cathedral in Red Square and Trump himself with his mouth open.
The theme music, predictably enough, was”Money” by the O’Jays. The word “money” appeared in fake Russian lettering.
Trump Vodka sold for about $30 per bottle. It was more expensive than Absolute or Smirnov.
It crashed and burned, really quickly. People just weren’t as gullible as Trump had hoped.
The product stopped production in 2011.
American voters can certainly learn something from the Trump Vodka disaster.
Donald Trump used his name as the big selling point for the booze. He had no experience with the product he was selling. He boasted about the greatness of his vodka, with nothing to back up his claims. He had a flashy, glittery marketing scheme that a bunch of people feel for.
Then the whole thing ended as a giant failure.
A big, fat failure.
Check out the ridiculous Russian ad.
Featured image via YouTube screengrab.
