I’ll admit that I’m a bit baffled by the ritualistic ceremony called “The Purity Ball.” Why are young girls having a ritual to get their fathers involved with celebrating their virginity and proclaiming themselves her “boyfriend” of sorts until they marry? I don’t like it, OK? It’s just….weird. And unnecessary.
Fun fact: In 2015, U.S. Speaker of the House Mike Johnson took his daughter to a purity ball, where she signed a contract agreeing to remain a virgin until she marries (photo below). He explained that women are “prey” who must be instructed in how to avoid “predators.” On a side note, this begs the question as to why Johnson doesn’t support more legislation to protect women.
What Is a Purity Ball?
But what is a purity ball? From the book Purity by David Magnusson:
“A Purity Ball is a formal event where girls or young women and their fathers participate in a ceremony. The daughters dress up in ball gowns, and the evening usually consists of dinner, a keynote speech, ballroom dancing, and a vow by fathers and daughters. The girls make a pledge to remain pure and live pure lives before God, to stay sexually abstinent until marriage. Their fathers sign a commitment undertaking to protect their daughter’s purity.
The father or mentor pledges to shield and protect his daughter; to live a pure life himself as a man, husband, and father; and to be a man of integrity and responsibility, acting as a role model for his family.” (via acknowledge)
The History of Purity Balls
The first purity ball took place in 1998 and was organized by Randy and Lisa Wilson in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The Wilsons have five daughters. As it turns out, Randy Wilson is a big player in the conservative Christian movement. He is currently the director of the Family Research Council. Moreover, he worked for Focus on the Family, a fundamentalist organization, in the past.
Randy Wilson explains.
The Daughters Sign a Purity Pledge to Remain Virgins Until Marriage
The dads and daughters actually sign a contract like the one pictured below, with his daughter as the witness. Oh, and they exchange rings.
The pledge states:
I, (Daughter’s Name)’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband, and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide, and pray over my daughter and my family as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used to influence generations to come. (Patheos)
Purity Balls Are Not Just About Sex: These Girls Are Pledging to Not Even Touch a Boy
This isn’t just about sex. These girls are vowing to not hold hands, kiss, or even date any man other than their father until their wedding day. Come on. How realistic is this? Wouldn’t it be easier to just have them undergo female circumcision? Isn’t that the next step?
This is about one thing and one thing only: men controlling women and guaranteeing (they think) their oppression and their submission.
I think it’s creepy — yes, creepy — for a father to be so obsessed with his daughter’s virginity that he would write a book about it. My daughter would be appalled. And I’d have been appalled had I been subjected to it. These are just not topics I ever would have wanted to discuss with my dad.
Why isn’t there a ceremony like this for boys to entrust their virginity to their mothers? Now THAT creeps everyone out, doesn’t it? Does anyone care to wager a guess as to why this little ceremony is non-existent?
What Purity Balls DO NOT Teach Girls and Young Women
Patheos writer Libby Anne states it wonderfully.
Why not teach girls other ways to be validated? Why not teach girls to value their skills, abilities, and dreams, rather than to equate their worth with their bodies or beauty? Why not teach girls that they are internally valuable and that what males around them think of them is completely irrelevant to that?
Instead, the father/daughter purity culture feeds the idea that girls are only valuable inasmuch as they are valued in the eyes of the men around them, be that their boyfriends or their fathers. It teaches girls that their value lies in their bodies and in their relationship to men. It tells girls that it is healthy to pin your source of validation to male affirmation, but that that affirmation should come from their fathers rather than from boyfriends.
You can read an in-depth critique of purity balls.
Some Girls Are Already “Ruined”
While I was writing this article, my daughter was at her Monday night Bible study group with her friends. I called and asked her to put me on speakerphone. I asked them what they thought of the purity ball concept. Their reaction is the same as mine: it’s weird, unrealistic, and creepy.
My daughter had a good point. She instantly rejected the idea because it would leave out a lot of the young girls who have already been deemed “impure” in the eyes of sexist men. This isn’t relevant, but my daughter is an 18-year-old virgin — by choice. She is in control of her sexuality. Not some random guy, not me, and certainly not her dad.
A Teenage Boy’s Take on Purity Balls: “Misogynistic”
After I ended the call, my 13-year-old son came into my office and offered his opinion:
“Everyone should have the right to do what they want with their bodies without everyone making them feel guilty and like they’re dirty or something. I’m not saying everyone should be out having sex all the time, but it’s not the business of everyone else, either. Misogynistic.”
Watch a Purity Ball
In this video, you can see what happens at a purity ball.
So there you have it, folks.
Creepy Purity Ball Photos
The photos are below. I’ve analyzed these, and I’ve decided that the main thing that makes them hella creepy is that no one is smiling. It’s like it’s against the rules or something. The intimate poses don’t help make it less weird, either.
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Father gets down on one knee and Proposes to his DAUGHTER.
The father proposed to his daughter with a purity ring asking her “To remain pure until the day you are married.”
— Oli London (@OliLondonTV) August 17, 2024
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This is Speaker of the House Mike Johnson with his daughter.
Actually, here’s one more video from 2015 documentary on purity balls. In it, Mike’s daughter makes a “virginity pledge” to her father and they even sign an agreement over this. These events are often promoted as “dates”.
21/21 pic.twitter.com/15KlqpEtT1
— Pekka Kallioniemi (@P_Kallioniemi) February 15, 2024
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And there you have it.
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