Say What? Chinese Hospital Makes ‘Love Machine’ To Aid Sperm Collection

(images public domain)
(images public domain)

Medicine has modernized mechanically at a very rapid rate over the years, but with notable exception in one particular field. Ultrasounds, MRIs, CT scans, pacemakers ? but when it comes to fertilization, though, clinics still offer nothing but old-fashioned dirty magazines.

That’s right, guys. If you and your wife need help planting the seed, the nurse only leads you to a little closet where you’re supposed to independently master your manhood on the trip to Spermapalooza. Aside from some soft porn that might be present to provide stimulation, there are no whistles or bells or any kind of technology involved in this primary phase of fertilization.

There is finally a modernization in this medical field, though, and that developers say can do more to aid sperm collection?than can a Playboy centerfold. But it’s so impersonal and mechanical, this machine might seem more fitting at a sleazy XXX store.

Recently developed by the Zhengzhou Central Hospital in Nanjing, China, the new ?hands-free automatic sperm extractor? features, well, a cylindrical column. In which you, um, insert yourself. And which takes over from there in the smooth fashion needed to collect sperm for later use. It even modernizes the traditional stimulation method; instead of flipping through pages of adult magazines, a user of the ?extractor? can watch appropriate videos on an included monitor screen during the process.

Oh, just watch it work yourself in this (completely safe-for-work) video, which was shot at a convention display:

Users can personalize the ?extractor? for temperature, speed, frequency and amplitude. However a condom, from which sperm can be finally collected, must be worn during use, Zhu Guoxin of Zhengzhou Central Hospital told The Times of India.

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A promotional website claims the device ?can give patients very comfortable feeling,? and offers it for only $2,800.

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