Show of hands: How many of you were told as children that when a child of another gender pushed you, pulled your hair, or displayed violence against you in any way, “It’s because he or she has a crush on you, but just doesn’t know how to show it any other way,” or something similar? My hand is raised.
A recent Facebook post went viral when an Ohio mom took her daughter to the hospital after a boy injured her and the man at the registration desk assured the little girl, “I bet he likes you.”
This speaks to the roots of normalizing gendered violence. This is when children begin to learn that suffering is equal to love and that pain is a normal feeling within the context of romantic relationships. It must stop, and it must stop now.
Send a different message. Teach children that hitting one another is not okay, that no one has the right to put their hands on their bodies in any way without their consent, and that, as the mother in the Facebook post said, that hurting is not flirting.
Would you ever say to an adult whose intimate partner blackened their eye, pushed them, punched them, or hurt them in any other way, that this is the only way their partner can show that he or she “likes” them? Of course we wouldn’t. So why would we ever teach children this?
As I normally do, I want to end this article by saying: If you or someone you love is experiencing intimate partner violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
I also, however, want to add this: stop sending this message. Stop teaching anyone that violence and pain are related in any way. Put me, and the hotline workers at the above link, right out of a job. We won’t mind, I promise.
Featured image by Merritt Smith via Facebook, available under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license.
