By now, we’ve all heard of those creepy Purity Balls, where daughters agree that their fathers will be their owners until the day they become the property of their husbands, but new bride Brelyn Bowman, daughter of the Spirit of Faith Christian Center leader, took this purity pledge to a whole new and astonishing level.
An article in People magazine reports that the bride has stated in interviews:
“Her father in no way required the certificate, but [she] says ‘I wanted to show him, “Dad, I kept my word and this is what I did to show you.” It was my way to honor him,’ Bowman tells Good Day DC, alongside her husband Tim Bowman Jr., who also promised to remain a virgin until marriage.”
Her father and other family members are perplexed by the negative reaction to the picture.
Okay, Dr. Freeman, let me explain why the rest of us don’t see this as a great thing.
First, loss of a hymen doesn’t always mean that a woman has had sex. A hymen that is not intact can be the result of rape or sexual abuse, an accident, other forms of sexual activity that do not include penetration, and can even be the result of its non-presence at birth. According to Planned Parenthood:
“Some people, and some cultures, believe that a woman whose hymen has been stretched open is no longer a virgin. But having a hymen and being a virgin are not the same thing. There are other ways that a hymen can be stretched open, by inserting something into the vagina (like a tampon or a finger), riding a bicycle, or doing sports. And some girls are born with so little hymenal tissue that it seems like it was never there.”
Second, having or not having a hymen is no way to gauge a woman’s worth. It’s time we let go of the concept that a woman without a hymen is somehow less valuable, making a father responsible for its protection and a husband granted the sole right to own and penetrate that hymen.
“The idea of your first penis-in-vagina sexual encounter being something significant and life altering (well, for women anyway) has origins in women being considered property.
That is to say, virginity is a social construction that came about because of the commodification of women.”
Finally, while it’s sweet that Brelyn’s fiance also agreed to not have sex before marriage, I don’t see any evidence of his certificate. What medical procedures did he subject himself to in order to prove his “honor”? Which doctor inserted things inside him? Who was there to question whether or not he was being truthful without a physical inspection?
Women do not become “damaged” or “used” goods because they don’t have a hymen, and we need to stop believing that anyone has ownership over our bodies other than ourselves. Honestly, though, churches policing women’s bodies? What else is new?
Featured image by drmikefreeman via Instagram, available under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial license.
