The last year-plus has seen the beginnings of a long-overdue national conversation on how we respond to domestic violence and sexual assault. One big reason why this conversation didn’t start sooner is that a significant element of the church has its collective head up its collective rear end. And that’s being kind to it.
After all, we’ve seen a number of religious right luminaries dismiss the festering sexual harassment scandal at Fox News as a scheme by liberal “children of the lie” to bring down a network that’s doing God’s work. One big reason the religious right stood by Donald Trump even after the “Access Hollywood” tape was that many of the nation’s so-called moral guardians saw it as a demonic trick intended to derail the man God chose to be president. More recently, Sandy Rios harrumphed that we shouldn’t believe women when they say they have been abused.
And even before then, much of the religious right continued to stand by the Duggars even after we learned that Jill, Jessa, Jinger, and Joy had likely been told Josh fondled them because they “defrauded” him by stirring up lustful thoughts in him. That term is rather ironic, since we now know that America’s most famous babymakers not only defrauded their daughters, but spent the better part of a decade defrauding this nation.
We’ve also seen the disgraceful manner in which Bob Jones University, the most infamously fundamentalist university in the nation, handles sexual assault. For years, victims were told that if they wanted to come forward against their accusers, they risked being responsible for their abuser losing his salvation–and thus, “harming the body of Christ.” They were also told that they were the ones who had sinned.
Recently, one of my readers pointed me to something that sums up the mentality a significant element of the fundie world still has about domestic violence. A Christian blogger told his followers with a straight face that there are times when someone should stay in an abusive relationship.
Most laymen and professionals agree that there comes a time when a relationship becomes so abusive and dangerous that it’s time to get out, and get out now. Not so, says “Larry Solomon,” a Baptist fundamentalist who is the man behind a blog known as “Biblical Gender Roles.”
“Solomon” believes that women and children have every right to confront and/or seek outside intervention against a husband or father who is physically or sexually abusive. But what about a husband or father who is emotionally or verbally abusive? Well, “Solomon” would have us believe that if a woman or child feels emotional and verbal abuse progresses to the point that the relationship is untenable, that woman or child risks falling afoul of 1 Peter 2:18-24.
18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. 19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. 20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.
As “Solomon” sees it, taking emotional abuse “patiently” goes along perfectly with how God wants to “image or model things.” Supposedly, we “model Christ” by biting our tongues and taking emotional abuse “patiently.”
For that reason, “Solomon” warns any women or children in his audience that while God doesn’t excuse the actions of an abusive husband or father, it is not their place to rebuke their husband or father for such abusive behavior. Such insolence amounts to a woman or child stepping out of their “subordinate place.” Moreover, “Solomon” reminds his audience that it’s entirely possible they may not have been abused at all. And if that isn’t enough finger-wagging for you, “Solomon” suggests that abuse isn’t nearly as bad as what Jesus endured on the cross.
So let’s see if we’ve got this right. If a woman faces day-in and day-out cursing and belittling from her husband, or finds out he’s doing the same with their child(ren), she’s supposed to just bite her tongue and “take it patiently”? Has “Solomon” even read the numerous documented instances of how damaging emotional abuse can be long-term? In some cases, a constant cycle of cursing and insults can be more damaging than being punched, slapped, or shaken.
I speak from experience, having had to endure three years of being married to an emotionally abusive woman. When I finally got out, I was completely beaten down. It’s been 12 years since I left her and 11 years since the divorce went final, but the scars still run deep. But to hear “Solomon” talk, a woman facing this sort of abuse should just “take it patiently.”
I wonder if “Solomon” has bothered to read the numerous instances in Proverbs about how damaging hurtful words can be. I got a sample on Sunday when my pastor talked about this topic at church.
— Darrell Lucus (@DarrellLucus) March 18, 2018
A few years ago, a woman with whom I was chatting on a Christian dating site told me that her then-pastor read her the riot act for leaving her husband after years of verbal and physical abuse. This so-called pastor believed my friend had no biblical grounds for leaving him, and would have some explaining to do in heaven for doing so. I’d wondered how anyone could even think about saying something this degrading. Well, now I have part of my answer.
As hidebound as this post from “Solomon” sounds, it’s even more so considering what else he finds acceptable.
You’ll notice that “Solomon” relies on a verse referring to servants. Well, it turns out that this was no accident. In arguing that Roy Moore did nothing wrong by pursuing teenage girls, he contends that when a man marries a woman, “he takes ownership of her” and “becomes her master.” Based on his rather twisted reading of Scripture, he argues that a woman is the property of her father until she marries, and at that point becomes property of her husband. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what the Duggars practice. In that same post, he contends that government has no right to set a minimum age for a woman to marry.
While “Solomon” condemns physical abuse, he also believes that men have every right to spank their wives. He also believes that government has no right to define abuse beyond what the Bible teaches.
I hope you’re proud of this, “Larry.” If any woman in an abusive relationship reads your bilge and stays in it as a result, you will have blood on your hands. It’s people like you that are why this country, and the church, have yet to really get it about domestic violence. You should be ashamed of yourself, sir.
“Solomon” may think that he may have evaded the spotlight by preaching to the choir. Well, it’s time to disabuse him of that notion. Let him have it on Facebook. To make it easier, here’s a direct link to where he made this outrageous entry.
(featured image courtesy dualdflipflop, available under a Creative Commons-BY license)
