‘Avalanche Sharks’ Might Be The Greatest Thing Ever

That title may have been hyperbole. I’ll admit it. In fact, the truth is quite likely the opposite.

Even still, here we are. Avalanche Sharks?is on its way and this gem comes courtesy of the imaginative folks over at SyFy. You know them; they brought you such classics as Mega Python vs. Gatoroid?and, most recently, Sharknado?where a water spout cyclone dumps a load of sharks right on top of Los Angeles. Admittedly, SyFy struck “gold” in that one when they were able to secure the Oscar-caliber talents of Tara Reid.

So what do we get with Avalanche Sharks? Well, we get co-eds who decide to spend Spring Break in the bitter, cold, snow-covered mountains, because that’s what young, good-looking people typically do. Who cares that reality says otherwise? We have a B-movie to make! At any rate, when they get there they find themselves accosted by ancient creatures which strangely resemble terrible rendered sharks that “…swim through the snow like other sharks swim through water.” Riveting. Still…at least this one has SyFy at the wheel, which, I suppose, puts it above that other snow-based shark classic, Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast. That’s right! Not only is Avalanche Sharks?a terrible idea, but it’s an unoriginal terrible idea.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention: ‘Avalanche Sharks’ is considered a sort of sequel to Sand Sharks?which itself was an instant award winner with an all-non-star cast led by the ultra-talented Brooke Hogan. Because, when I think of solid acting I think of Hulk Hogan’s daughter. And in case you couldn’t figure it out, Sand Sharks is about sharks that can “…swim through sand like others swim through water.”

In conclusion, Avalanche Sharks?is a terrible looking science-fiction/horror movie in the same vein as Sharknado?starring Tara Reid with a cast of apparently bored college students with nothing else to do that’s a sort-of sequel to ‘Sand Sharks’ starring Brooke Hogan even though it’s a rip-off of ‘Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast’ which itself is a terrible looking science-fiction/horror movie.

And it’ll probably be the greatest thing to ever grace the small screen.


Edited/Published by: SB

I'm Jonathan Lenhardt; fiscally conservative, socially liberal Republican. I'm pro-choice, pro-2nd Amendment, anti-Tea Party, and happily atheist just to name a sparse few things about me. You can direct all hate mail to [email protected]. Also, you can find me on Google+, Twitter (@JonLenTheLC), and I have an L.C.-specific Facebook page (Jonathan Lenhardt, The Liberal Conservative).