“The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke, is a good guy with a nuke.”
The greatest moment of Sarah Palin’s CPAC speech tonight came in the middle, when she literally brought the crowd to their feet by advocating for the United States to start a nuclear war with Russia. Conservatives roared their approval and begged her to run for president. She threw out a lame joke to quiet the crowd when they chanted RUN SARAH RUN, because if they don’t know by now she will never get back into politics as long as the speaking engagements and occasional showing up on Fox News pay top dollar, then they’re never going to figure out she has nothing to say and no policies to contribute to the conservative platform.
With her typical condescending kindergarten school teacher talking to a classroom full of children delivery method, Sarah Palin spouted the greatest word salad full of platitudes thus far in her public speaking career. And like literal children the CPAC audience ate it up, loving every minute of whatever it was she said. Cramming as many applause lines as she could into the time allotted, she let out with a string of her greatest hits, while bringing in some new ones.
One mind numbing example came when she pulled out a copy of Green Eggs and Ham and admitted that she had changed the words for her youngest son Trigg. “I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like this health care scam.” The crowd jumped to their feet to praise a woman for politically indoctrinating her children through rhyme and teaching them to hate Uncle Sam.
There were plenty of barbs aimed at the “Washington Establishment,” The White House, and even an ugly joke about Secretary of State John Kerry thrown in for good measure. We learned from Mama Grizzly Sarah that Michelle Obama uses the NSA to wiretap phones and keep track of how many times we call Pizza Hut delivery. Palin referred to President Obama’s foreign policy as dopey wobbling on the world stage, and suggested Harry Reid could get a job dealing black jack in a casino after the 2014 election because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. More cheers from the crowd followed.
The low point of the speech came toward the end, when she told the men to play games on their cell phones for a moment so she could talk to the girls in the audience. Here, her voice became more motherly and instructive as she explained that conservative women knew there was no war on women, and being a conservative gives you all the freedom you need. It’s liberals who want to put us in a box. “This sisterhood fights against that,” She proclaimed before adding, “We’re the party with the plank that protects our littlest sisters in the womb.”
The pitch of her voice went up, she talked about the tea party, the band of brothers who dumped tea into Boston Harbor and then the convoluted impossible to parse spouting of words ended with a crescendo. The only thing left to do was pour a stiff drink and watch something more calm and relaxing, like last night’s episode of Hannibal.
Edited/Published by: SB
