Donald Trump is a jackass. There, I said it. But he is also a preening, self-obsessed, narcissistic sack of human excrement who belongs in a landfill or sewage treatment plant. See, in Donald’s world, it’s all about him. You and I and anyone else are all secondary to what he wants and needs.
And what the Donald says he needs more than anything else in the world is decent hairspray. On two separate occasions this week, Trump bemoaned how you simply cannot find a good hairspray. From there, he turned it into a rant on climate change and the ozone layer, telling a crowd in West Virginia:
“My hair look okay? Got a little spray — give me a little spray.
“You know, you’re not allowed to use hairspray anymore because if affects the ozone. You know that, right? I said, ‘You mean to tell me’ — ’cause you know hairspray’s not like it used to be, it used to be real good. Give me a mirror. But no, in the old days, you put the hairspray on, it was good. Today, you put the hairspray on, it’s good for 12 minutes, right?”
Seeing as how I don’t use hairspray, I may not be qualified to respond, but I’m going to anyway for the sake of my own mental health.
Trump went on to add:
“I said, ‘Wait a minute — so if I take hairspray and if I spray it in my apartment, which is all sealed, you’re telling me that affects the ozone layer?’” “‘Yes.’” I say, no way, folks. No way!”
“No way! That’s like a lot of the rules and regulations you people have in the mines, right? It’s the same kind of stuff.”
No, Donald it isn’t the same at all. Mining regulations are put in place to make an extremely dangerous job somewhat less hazardous, whereas hairspray is all about vanity, plain and simple. And this raises a larger issue of national importance we need to discuss here and now: Imagine President Trump (just threw up in my mouth a little) standing at attention for a military event such as on Veteran’s Day. It’s a blustery day, and this is the image that is seen around the world when as the leader of the free world is honoring those who have served so bravely, the vast majority of them without benefit of hairspray:
In a matter of seconds, the United States is suddenly the laughingstock of the world. Of course, if Trump becomes President, that’s kind of automatically how the rest of the world will see us.
Donald, we’d love to feel sorry for you, but we dislike you far too much to give a damn about you keeping that rat’s nest sitting atop your head in place. So do us all a gigantic favor and shut the hell up. Oh, and please go away, too.
Featured Image Via YouTube
