This is such a great time of year for children. October, time for candy apples and Halloween. Most of us have been decorating our houses with jack-o-lanterns, corn stalks and mums.
Most of us have been planning to put up some crepe paper ghosts and to hand out tiny candy bars to adorable little princesses and superheroes. Most of us are planning costumes for our children and grandchildren.
That’s because most of us are not haunted by the specter of a terrifyingly angry God. Most of us are not crazy pants.
No worries, though. If you’d like your share of crazy, we have it for you.
If you want to make sure that your house is the scariest and most horrifying one in the neighborhood, all you have to do is turn to the creationist Christian nutburgers on the website Answers in Genesis.
This anti-Halloween group is selling fake million dollar bills for you to give to the cute little munchkins who come to your door. The bills have inspirational sayings for the children, to guide them onto the right path in life.
For example, one of the phony bills has a picture of Noah’s Ark on the front. You are supposed to hand the bills to the children so they can read this:
“Have you ever lied, stolen or used God’s name in vain? The penalty for your crimes against God is death and eternal hell.”
Nothing like the threat of death and eternal hell to put a little kid in that Halloween mood, right?
Answers in Genesis doesn’t want you to think you can hide your sins, either. Another of the happy notes says:
“God knows your every thought, word and deed and your conscience confirms that you’re guilty.”
Well. That should certainly scare them.
If you want to be able to do more than cheat children out of candy by giving them fake threatening money, you can order yourself a “Halloween Learn and Share Kit.”
Awesome.
You can spend Halloween night engaging your neighbors in a lively conversation about the dangers of paganism while your spouse threatens the children with eternal hellfire.
And I thought Freddy Kruger was as scary as it could get.
Watch this if you dare!
Featured image by MattysFlicks via Flickr. Available through Creative Commons Attribution Generic license 2.0.
