Donald J Trump Declared The Winner In The War On Christmas (TWEET/VIDEO)

Expect a mad run on Christmas cards and stocking stuffers in stores across the nation, as Donald Trump has officially been declared the victor in the War on Christmas. In a Fox News interview Tuesday, former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski declared:

“You can say again, ‘Merry Christmas,’ because Donald Trump is now the president… You can say it again, it’s OK to say, it’s not a pejorative word anymore.”

Mysterious Origins

It’s unclear exactly how long Christians have been unable to celebrate Christmas in the US or when the war got started. Perhaps it was when Barack Obama refused to have a Christmas tree in the White House. Oh wait… that never happened.

Was it when schoolchildren were forced to attend school on Christmas? Nope… that never happened either, not even in notoriously red states.

What about when politicians had to start working long hours, sitting at their desks well into the wee hours of Christmas morning, like some taxpayer-funded Bob Cratchits? Not a chance; Congress breaks December 19, in honor of the Christmas holiday.

Maybe it has something to do with commerce, and stores not being allowed to sell or advertise Christmas merchandise. That must be it, right?


A Valiant Fight

Despite the hazy origins of the war, fine upstanding citizens took to social media to declare their support for the cause. They fought hard against the vile word “holiday,” even suggesting the clever “Trumpsmas” as a more reasonable alternative.

Donald Trump joined the battle on the campaign trail, promising to reinstate the no-longer-used greeting “Merry Christmas:”

“If I become president, we’re all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you. That I can tell you.

“I guarantee if I become president, we’re going to be saying ‘Merry Christmas’ at every store.”

Because when you’re the new leader of the free world, that’s what’s important: making sure the cashier at the checkout greets you the right way as you’re making your important Christmas purchases, such as Christmas cards and guns and pointy white hoods and such.

Reality Check

The “War on Christmas” seems to be a battle waged by people offended by the use of the word “holiday,” and by the fact that their chosen religion isn’t always represented in secular aspects of life, such as government and trade.

Here’s the truth: The United States is a nation that virtually shuts down on Christmas. We’re also a nation comprised of people embracing more than 300 different religious beliefs — and that’s not counting all the secular and cultural differences. There is no war on Christmas.

“Happy holidays” is, by definition, an inclusive term:

 “1. holy day

 2. a day on which one is exempt from work; specifically : a day marked by a general suspension of work in commemoration of an event

3. chiefly British : vacation —often used in the phrase on holiday —often used in plural

4. a period of exemption or relief <corporations enjoying a tax holiday>”

If someone wishes you “Happy holidays,” they aren’t wishing you ill. The word “holiday” embraces all holy days, including Christmas. It’s a matter of semantics and inclusion, not discrimination. Discrimination would look more like shouting at people for not following your religion.

Featured Image Via Defend Christmas

April Fox is a freelance writer from North Carolina. In 2009, she appeared on an Irish radio show to discuss an article she penned on the benefits of punk rock on child development. She writes a little bit about everything, but her interests lean primarily toward music, politics, and parenting and child development. Her books, Object Permanence, Spine, and Chicken Soup for the Fuck You, are available on Amazon and in stores around her hometown of Asheville, NC.